Parents always have the best intentions when it comes to the safety of their children. However, many parents can be misunderstood as throwing a “sermon” when they are merely lovingly sharing wisdom with their children. Eventually, this creates distance between the parent and the children, preventing the latter from sharing more important or seemingly alarming things in the future. 

When the communication line between the parent and the children has been quietly cut, how can a child feel safe? They might seek safety from other adults, their fellow kids, or even online strangers. Risks like Online Sexual Abuse or Exploitation of Children (OSAEC) could ensue, and before parents even realize it, it could be too late. 

How should a parent even respond when their children share their thoughts and feelings? This blog post will help you connect with your children better, even if you may feel slightly uncomfortable about it at first.

 

A mother and daughter sit cozily under a knitted blanket on a bed, smiling as they look together at a tablet, creating a warm family moment.

 

Match their energy or co-regulate with them

Children are much more intuitive than others think. Their subconscious can identify body language cues, facial expressions, and energy before they can open up. Match their wavelength! When they are excited about something, be excited about it too. When they want to talk to you, kneel to their level. Keep distractions away, like digital devices, tasks, and other things, to signal to them that you are holding space for them right there and then. 

One tip is to sit side by side with them. Some children may feel like they are being interrogated when the adult is directly facing them. In this position, they can relax and open up when they know you are there, but not about to interrogate them. 

Moreover, co-regulation is also key. When they are anxious, do not bombard them with questions or demand clarity. Stay calm and let them feel that they are safe in your presence. Use your soothing voice, and remind them that they are safe around you. 

Listen and be open

Truly listening means letting go of your judgments, beliefs, and values to clearly see another person. You may be an adult now, but you were also once a child who went through a lot of confusion and self-discovery. Obedience and respect at home may be important values, but trust must also be a part of that. 

To do that, you must first emotionally connect with the child. Validate that what they are going through is important. You can do so by naming what they feel. You can say, “I hear you. You probably felt so humiliated.” Avoid asking the child “Why” because this further stresses them out.  Listen with an emotionally empathetic ear before jumping into logical conversations.  

 

Black-and-white photo of a smiling mother and daughter talking on a couch; the mother holds a tablet while the girl sits next to a stuffed animal.

 

Support and collaborate with problem-solving 

When the child feels emotionally safe and ready to move forward, you can be their co-collaborator in solving their problems. They know their own contexts very well, and with your wiser, more experienced mind—together you can wade through the challenges together. Becoming their co-collaborator in solving problems builds more trust between the two of you, and they are more likely to come to you for their problems in the future. 

Conclusion

Children are just younger, more innocent human beings. And like any other human being, they just need someone to listen and empathize with them as they slowly learn more about the world and navigate their place in it. As a parent, it is important that you gently usher them into their own safe spaces. 

The Bigger Picture